Our Team

Meatheraus Hydro stands as the visionary architect and enduring steward of the National Shablastdatass League, an institution that has defined excellence in competitive fantasy sports for over two decades. With an illustrious career spanning business, finance, and technological leadership, Mr. Hydro has consistently operated at the vanguard of innovation, driving strategic initiatives that blend analytical rigor with forward-thinking execution.

A distinguished alumnus of the School of Hard Knocks—where he earned his doctorate through relentless real-world application—Mr. Hydro honed his expertise in high-stakes decision-making, resource allocation, and team dynamics long before assuming the commissionership. His tenure at GeekSquad leadership further solidified his reputation as a transformative figure in technology, where he pioneered cutting-edge solutions that bridged complex systems with practical outcomes.

As Commissioner, Mr. Hydro has elevated the NSL to its current stature as a premier cultural and competitive force, fostering an environment of unparalleled strategic depth, camaraderie, and tradition. His leadership continues to shape the league’s legacy, ensuring that Ole Gloriousness remains the ultimate symbol of achievement in fantasy sports.

Sleve Tyers is a formidable guardian and master craftsman whose unparalleled vigilance and hands-on expertise make him an essential pillar of the National Shablastdatass League and its Historical Preservation Society.

As Head of Security, Mr. Tyers maintains relentless vigilance over all assets—physical, digital, and especially the perimeter. His comprehensive protective protocols ensure the League's facilities, artifacts, and intellectual property remain impregnable, safeguarding the NSL's legacy with unyielding dedication and strategic foresight.

As Lead Carpenter, Mr. Tyers personally crafted Ole Gloriousness (OG), the iconic Shablastdatass Cup, using his bare hands and traditional woodworking mastery. Remarkably, he completed this monumental task while losing only a few fingers—a testament to both his skill and resilience. The original design featured a salty soapstone platform for Pan, the Greek god of fertility; unfortunately, the platform was seriously fractured during a night of revelry. With characteristic quick thinking and unmatched skill, Mr. Tyers restored and repositioned Pan directly onto the trophy—curvature and all—cementing the god's permanent place where he proudly stands today. 

Additionally, as Anatomy Advisor, Mr. Tyers provides authoritative guidance on human physiology, readily producing precise and informative diagrams to clarify even the most complex anatomical inquiries.

Mr. Tyers's multifaceted contributions—rooted in vigilance, craftsmanship, and scholarly insight—exemplify the highest standards of service and expertise, ensuring the enduring security, integrity, and enlightenment of the NSL community.

Fun fact: Sleve also starred in the very popular 1980s sitcom Peg n Me, which remains in syndication to this day.

Phillip J. Hogemfartz serves as the Chief Operating Officer and Director of the National Shablastdatass Historical Preservation Society, where he oversees the operational excellence and strategic stewardship of one of the most distinguished archival institutions in competitive fantasy sports.

A renowned engineer with an exceptional technical background, Mr. Hogemfartz is celebrated for his mastery of complex systems and innovative problem-solving. He graduated at the top of his class from the prestigious Valley Forge Academy in Parma, earning recognition for his unparalleled analytical acumen and precision.

Beyond his technical prowess, Mr. Hogemfartz possesses a refined appreciation for the finer things in life—art, culture, and craftsmanship—bringing a sophisticated lens to the Society’s curation of historical artifacts. Additionally, he is an accomplished lyricist, most famous for his work with now disbanded worldwide sensation JHIL. His eloquent and evocative compositions have enriched the cultural narrative of the NSL over the years.

Under his leadership, the NSLHPS continues to set the standard for scholarly preservation, ensuring that the League’s rich heritage is safeguarded with the rigor and elegance it deserves.

Romald McDomald is a globally recognized titan in the field of marketing, widely regarded as one of the foremost strategic masterminds of his generation. Throughout an illustrious career spanning decades, Mr. McDomald has orchestrated campaigns of unparalleled reach and impact, extending the NSL's brand presence to every corner of the globe—including the distinguished markets of Botswana, where his innovative outreach initiatives have achieved legendary status.

A standout scholar in his formative years, Mr. McDomald distinguished himself at the prestigious Normandy University, earning accolades for his exceptional intellect, creativity, and leadership acumen. His academic foundation laid the groundwork for a career defined by visionary thinking and meticulous execution.

Mr. McDomald possesses a profound expertise in the home improvement sector, with insights that reveal striking and direct correlations to the strategic depth required in elite fantasy football management. This unique interdisciplinary knowledge has proven instrumental in elevating the League's entertainment value, fostering fan engagement, and solidifying its position as a cultural institution of enduring significance.

Biff Cavery is the Senior Vice President of Finance & Strategy for the National Shablastdatass League, where his meticulous command of numbers, preparation, and strategic foresight has established him as one of the organization's most vital executives.

Renowned for his extraordinary precision in financial modeling and competitive analysis, Mr. Cavery approaches every challenge with rigorous detail and unflinching integrity. Widely regarded as one of the kindest and most approachable figures in the League's leadership, he nonetheless possesses the disciplined prowess of a jiu-jitsu champion, embodying a rare balance of compassion and competitive intensity.

Mr. Cavery stands as the most decorated champion in NSL history, securing an unprecedented five championships—including an extraordinary three-peat—that cement his legacy as the League's preeminent competitor. Although rumors have long circulated that he once possessed a copy of Gray's Sports Almanac covering the years 2001 through 2017, the jury remains out on whether these claims are mere legend or hold a kernel of truth.

His steadfast commitment to fair play, rigorous adherence to rules, and thoughtful engagement in competitive debate have made him an authoritative voice on matters of equity and governance.

As a cornerstone of the leadership team, Biff Cavery provides unwavering stability, strategic acumen, and moral leadership, ensuring the NSL remains a paragon of excellence, integrity, and competitive distinction.

Mr. Erin Tates is a preeminent authority in the field of holistic medicine and human performance optimization, serving as Vice President of Health and Medicine for the National Shablastdatass League.

Mr. Tates began his distinguished career in men's massage therapy, rapidly establishing himself as a practitioner of exceptional skill and insight. Over the ensuing decades, he has ascended to international prominence as one of the world’s foremost experts in holistic, integrative, and alternative medicine, renowned for his profound understanding of the human body—its anatomy, physiology, and interconnected systems.

With mastery of nearly all recognized therapeutic modalities—including Far Eastern practices such as acupuncture, shiatsu, and traditional Chinese medicine, alongside Ayurvedic principles, energy work, and contemporary holistic approaches—Mr. Tates develops and implements comprehensive wellness protocols that maintain league participants at peak physical and mental condition throughout the demanding competitive season. His evidence-informed methodology seamlessly integrates ancient wisdom with modern science, ensuring optimal recovery, resilience, and sustained excellence.

Under his guidance, the NSL benefits from a standard of health and performance management that is widely regarded as the gold standard in competitive fantasy sports organizations. Mr. Erin Tates remains steadfast in his commitment to advancing the science of well-being, both within the league and across the broader landscape of human performance.

Hish McGayhee is a renowned polymath whose extraordinary versatility has made him an indispensable leader in both the National Shablastdatass League and the National Shablastdatass Historical Preservation Society.

As Vice President of Engineering, Mr. McGayhee drives technical innovation and robotics integration for operational excellence. As Vice President of Events and Director of Live Entertainment, he curates premier gatherings, including the selection and booking of all bands and entertainment for the renowned NSL Fest—ensuring each event captures the League's vibrant spirit of competition and camaraderie.

A connoisseur of the finer things in life, and as Lead Curator of the NSLHPS - Mr. McGayhee brings refined discernment to every aspect of his roles. He is directly responsible for the majority of day-to-day operations at the NSLHPS and personally oversees the maintenance and enhancement of YourMomOnRye.com, the Society's flagship digital platform.

Mr. McGayhee is the sole designer of Ole Gloriousness (OG), the iconic Shablastdatass Cup, crafting a masterpiece that embodies the League's enduring spirit of competition and triumph.

An award-winning global musician and founding member of the acclaimed (now disbanded) band JHIL, he captivates audiences worldwide with performances blending technical precision and profound artistic expression.

Through his visionary leadership, Hish McGayhee upholds the highest standards of engineering excellence, event production, curatorial scholarship, and cultural stewardship, safeguarding the National Shablastdatass League's legacy for future generations.

Ryne Sciencefarts serves as Vice President of Gaming and Finance for the National Shablastdatass League, where his passion for competition and meticulous financial oversight have become hallmarks of the League's vibrant event culture.

Mr. Sciencefarts is renowned for his keen enthusiasm in establishing high-stakes table games and coordinating intricate bracketology structures, ensuring seamless execution and maximum engagement during League gatherings. His unwavering commitment to preserving the gaming spirit keeps the atmosphere electric, with chips flowing and camaraderie at its peak.

A steadfast steward of the League's financial operations, Mr. Sciencefarts manages resources with precision and fairness. While he may occasionally be unable to break a $100 bill on site, his proficiency with modern payment platforms—such as Venmo and PayPal—ensures transactions are handled swiftly and reliably.

Through his leadership, Ryne Sciencefarts upholds the NSL's traditions of spirited competition, strategic gaming, and fiscal responsibility, contributing immeasurably to the League's enduring legacy of excellence and enjoyment.

Mike McDanielles is a strategic mastermind whose engineering intellect and unrelenting pursuit of excellence have left an indelible mark on the National Shablastdatass League.

Possessing a formidable engineering mind honed for precision and optimization, Mr. McDanielles approaches fantasy football strategy with the rigor of a systems architect. His relentless focus on tactical superiority culminated in the League's historic first undefeated 16-0 regular season, a feat widely regarded as the pinnacle of strategic dominance in NSL annals.

As the League's Lead Electrical Engineer—a title he has held with distinction for nearly 25 years—Mr. McDanielles stands ready to address any infrastructural challenge. Though no electrical projects have arisen in that quarter-century, his expertise remains an invaluable asset to the organization's long-term preparedness and operational resilience.

Mr. McDanielles's contributions exemplify the blend of analytical brilliance and steadfast dedication that defines the NSL's leadership cadre, ensuring the League continues to operate at the highest level of competitive and technical excellence. He dreams to one day coach the Miami Dolphins. Currently, he does not.

Peter C. Gargler serves as the League's distinguished Pyrotechnics Manager, a role in which his unparalleled mastery of all things flammable has elevated NSL events to spectacular heights.

Mr. Gargler possesses an extraordinary command of pyrotechnic arts, capable of illuminating any venue with breathtaking displays that captivate audiences day or night. His productions are executed with meticulous precision, transforming ordinary gatherings into unforgettable spectacles of light and energy.

Safety and the well-being of all participants remain Mr. Gargler's paramount priority; every display is designed and implemented under the strictest protocols, ensuring exhilaration without compromise.

Beyond his professional expertise, Mr. Gargler is celebrated for his culinary talents—particularly as the League's most accomplished breakfast artisan—and his enthusiastic appreciation for a well-stocked refrigerator of condiments. His infectious sense of humor, quick wit for practical jokes, and penchant for enlivening festivities with classic 90s rap and twangy country further cement his reputation as an indispensable force in fostering the NSL's vibrant community spirit.

Through his multifaceted contributions, Peter C. Gargler exemplifies the highest standards of technical excellence, safety consciousness, and convivial leadership within the National Shablastdatass League.

Puzz Gell serves as the League's distinguished Allergy Coordinator and Animal Control Warden, providing indispensable support to the medicinal team with an extreme focus on the specialized domain of allergic medicine.

A recognized authority in hypersensitivity management and environmental allergen mitigation, Mr. Gell applies rigorous clinical insight to ensure the optimal health and performance of all NSL participants. His proactive protocols address seasonal, contact, and airborne allergens with precision and efficacy, safeguarding the League community from even the most persistent irritants.

Mr. Gell's preparedness is legendary; his signature cargo shorts are reputed to contain an exhaustive array of pharmaceutical concoctions, antihistamines, and remedial agents—ready at a moment's notice to neutralize any pesky summer sneeze attack or sudden allergic episode.

In his role as Animal Control Warden, Mr. Gell maintains impeccable order in the surrounding neighborhood, ensuring canine companions and wildlife alike adhere to the highest standards of behavior and tranquility, preserving a serene environment for League activities and community well-being.

Through his specialized expertise and unwavering dedication, Puzz Gell upholds the highest standards of health vigilance and communal harmony, contributing significantly to the League's tradition of excellence in player welfare and operational resilience.

Hish Thirstin is a visionary pioneer in the field of alternative medicine, serving as Director of Alternative Medicine for the National Shablastdatass League, where his groundbreaking developments have revolutionized personnel performance and wellness.

Mr. Thirstin’s innovative protocols and holistic methodologies have elevated athlete care to extraordinary levels, enabling performance enhancements that transcend conventional boundaries—often described as slipping into the fourth dimension of physical and mental optimization.

A master of visionary care planning, Mr. Thirstin offers comprehensive weekend wellness programs structured around a modest one-time fee, providing unparalleled value through sustained, transformative treatment. His deep expertise spans the full spectrum of holistic and alternative practices, drawing profound harmony with Mother Nature to foster balance, vitality, and resilience.
In addition to his clinical leadership, Mr. Thirstin plays a vital role in advancing the League’s inclusion initiatives, ensuring that wellness resources and alternative care are accessible to all members of the NSL community.

As the NSL's newest and least tenured member, he unfortunately has the lowest win percentage—a distinction that only underscores his humility and dedication to the greater good of League health and unity. 

Angela is the administrative backbone of the NSL, ensuring the league functions with professional-grade efficiency. A high-achieving graduate of the University of Chicago, she finished second in her class and holds a Master’s in Accounting—credentials she now applies to the significantly more stressful task of keeping our books perfectly balanced. She works tirelessly to ensure accounts payable is always up to date and operates across all facets of the league to identify and increase potential revenue streams. Notably, she is known for her legendary efficiency, maintaining a lightning-fast turnaround time on expense report reimbursements that puts most Fortune 500 companies to shame.

Beyond her fiscal oversight, she serves as the league’s primary architect for data, calculating weekly point awards with surgical accuracy and providing the high-level analysis required for the NSLHPS. Throughout the season, Angela builds and maintains the league’s power rankings, simulating thousands of outcomes to ensure the math is airtight before sending them to Phil for final approval. She is a foundational asset to the team, bringing an elite level of discipline to a group that usually relies on guesswork and luck.

Gladys is the moral and legal compass of the NSL, tasked with the monumental job of keeping this league "legit." In an environment that naturally drifts toward chaos, she ensures that everyone feels included—even Tates—and that our operations remain strictly within the bounds of league decency

Without her watchful eye and firm grasp of compliance, we’d likely be facing permanent suspension or worse. Gladys possesses the rare, borderline-supernatural ability to take mandatory informational trainings and actually make them fun, turning dry protocol into the highlight of the preseason. She is the safeguard that keeps us running, ensuring we stay professional enough to keep the doors open for another year. 

Bob is the only thing standing between the NSL and total prehistoric anarchy. Possessing the vocal clarity of a glass bell and the wardrobe of a man who definitely owns a yacht (or at least knows where one is parked), he runs our draft with the kind of terrifying precision usually reserved for bomb squads. While you’re sweating through your shirt over a $42 bench receiver, Bob is a cooling breeze of perfect enunciation, cutting through the basement musk with the authority of a man who has never once stuttered in his entire life. He is the glue, the engine, and the primary reason we aren't still bidding on kickers from the 2014 season. 

Without Bob, the NSL wouldn’t exist; we’d just be a group of sad men sitting in silence, staring at an empty podium, wondering who is allowed to speak next.

Spirit Animal: A Golden Retriever in a tuxedo. Draft Day Superpower: Identifying a "bid" based solely on the frantic twitch of a manager's eyelid.